August 10, 2004
Life
Dean and I have had one hell of a bad year. Like many people, money problems still plague us. The money issues stemmed from my health problems and worsened with Dean's struggle with alcohol. My health, as many of you know, has been up and down over the past few years. My health issues forced me to quit my job because I could no longer do it properly. The severe anemia made it near impossible because the job was very physically demanding, add to that a bleeding ulcer in a too small stomach...
Well, you can imagine that the pain and exhaustion was no joke. After months of pain and suffering, we decided it was best that I stop working until I got better. Then came Dean's increased dependance on alcohol which was not helped by the loss in income and added financial pressure. Then we lost a car. The damage to our car was so bad junking it was the only option. That left us with one 14 year old car in below average condition. Not fun. After a few more months of watching Dean slip deeper into an alcoholic stupor, I decided to take Jake and spend a few days with my mother. I needed time to think and I wanted Dean to have some time to do the same.
Most of you know what happened next. Dean had an epiphany, our dog was horribly ill and sheer desperation forced me to cyber beg.
That week was the worst experience in our marriage. I can honestly say that blogging saved my husband's life, my dog's life and our family. We were on the verge of losing everything and our many, many good friends helped. Helped us both financially and emotionally.
We were on our way and healing. I was preparing to start my own blog and things were getting better, emotionally anyway. Not perfect though, I opened this blog on the very day I was suffering through my fourth miscarriage in two years. Well, I said it wasn't perfect. Then a few weeks later, I found out that my little sister was pregnant. She conceived on the very day I miscarried. I was thrilled for her. She was nervous. Hell, she watched me miscarry so many times it was hard for her to relax. She's fine. 17 and a half weeks as of this writing. :-)
Here is where our story just gets funny. I was on the phone with my sister, she was 6 weeks pregnant and I realized that I didn't get my expected post miscarriage period.
Hmm... I thought about it for a while. Could I get pregnant again this fast? Nah. It's too soon. The next day, I decided to check. It was too weird. Guess what?
I was pregnant, again. So, my sister was 7 weeks and I was 5 weeks. History and superstition demanded that I not tell anyone... except my sister and Dean. Then slowly I told my immediate family. It was too funny. My sister lives 2 hours away and my mother was trying to wrap her brain around the two week apart due date thingy.
Time passed s-l-o-w-l-y and was spent trying to not "look" for any signs of bleeding. So far so good, I made it to a milestone: 8 weeks. My first OB appointment and I was still pregnant at 8 1/2 weeks. Good. My OB picked up on my nervousness and offered to do an ultrasound. Apparantly, I said the words if this pregnancy about 10 times in as many minutes. Ultrasound was good and Dean, Jake and I saw our 9 week old baby's bleeping little heart. I enjoyed a silent, relief filled cry.
More time passed and I made it to another OB appointment. 12 weeks 6 days. This is it. If it's good I can relax and enjoy it. Dean couldn't make the appointment but Jake came to give me moral support. There I was sporting a lovely pair of white knuckles watching the OB NOT FIND A HEARTBEAT with the doppler. The OB was trying hard to reassure me that it may take a while and this was normal. I smiled thinly. The only thing on my entire body that can actually be called thin was my smile, funny eh? That's when Jake not so subtly asked, "What do you mean YOU CAN"T FIND IT?" It was at that moment that my OB said don't panic and hurriedly left the room. Don't panic. Yeah, riiiight.
She came back a minute later with a portable ultrasound. Two minutes later Jake and I witnessed his new sibling dancing in my womb. HUGE SIGH!!!! That baby was kicking and wiggling and I couldn't have been more thrilled. Until the doc asked me if I was sure that my date was right...
What do you mean? I asked. Well, the baby looks bigger than 13 weeks. Closer to 15. I said that it couldn't be 15 because I was bleeding like a stuck pig at that time and obviously not engaging in any extra curriculars. I asked if the baby looked 17 weeks, meaning that I didn't actually miscarry. No, because the sex would be visible and it isn't. I said that Jake was over 10lbs at birth... No worries then, it'll probably just be a big baby. Big baby and no worries did not seem exactly compatible but I'm not about to quibble. I'm so thrilled to be carrying another child that the idea of giving birth to a toddler won't daunt me.
I'm pregnant!!!!
Hear that world? I'm pregnant!!!!!!!
On Friday, I will be 16 weeks and my little sis will be 18 weeks.
We are flat broke with a shitty car and we are pregnant. And you know what?
We couldn't be happier.
Posted by rosemary at August 10, 2004 08:12 AM | TrackBack
Oh, my God! Congratulations! I have tears rolling down my face I'm so happy for you! Wow. Big hugs to all y'all. :)
Posted by: Deb at August 10, 2004 08:28 AMCongratulations! All my favorite people start their life stories with "My parents were flat broke and their cars were running on a prayer...."
Is it too early to start giving pushy, unsolicited advice?
Posted by: Sean Kinsell at August 10, 2004 08:43 AMThat is great news! Congrats to you, Rose, and to Dean and Jake as well!
Posted by: marc at August 10, 2004 08:50 AMCongratulations, Rosemary and Dean! Your child could not be more fortunate in his parents.
Posted by: John Irving at August 10, 2004 08:51 AMCongratulations!
My best thoughts are with you guys!
Posted by: Ian Hamet at August 10, 2004 08:52 AMHurray! Congratulations! This is wonderful news.
Posted by: rita at August 10, 2004 08:59 AMYou need to set up a PO Box address. You don't want to put the home address out on the net but we do need something to send the cute little booties and toys to.
Posted by: Tim Worstall at August 10, 2004 09:01 AMAbsolutely wonderful!!!! I'll move you up on the prayer list a few more notches.
Posted by: Mr. E at August 10, 2004 09:11 AMShe's just starting to pop out and get all cute. :-)
Posted by: Dean Esmay at August 10, 2004 09:11 AMWhat wonderful news! ...another potential conservative! :)
Mucho congrats and love all round to you and yours, Rosemary!
Posted by: cul at August 10, 2004 09:12 AMCongratulations!
Yay!!!
Posted by: Jay Solo at August 10, 2004 09:17 AMCongratulations! Woohooo. Babies rock!
Posted by: ibejo at August 10, 2004 09:19 AMWOOHOO!!! Congratulations!!!
Posted by: Val Prieto at August 10, 2004 09:20 AMOh, boy.
Are you sure your family has the bandwidth to support a third?
Posted by: Big Dan at August 10, 2004 09:22 AMAlso, as your pastor, I expect that I'll be doing the child dedication, yes?
Posted by: Big Dan at August 10, 2004 09:22 AMHAIL TO THE QUEEN OF ALL EVIL!!!! HAIL TO THE QUEEN OF ALL GOOD!!!! HAIL TO THE QUEEN OF ALL!!!! AND HAIL TO THE KING!!!!
And hail to your new prince or princess!!!! God [and all Gods and Goddess] bless you and yours eternally.
Posted by: Steven Malcolm Anderson the Lesbian-worshipping gun-loving selfish aesthete at August 10, 2004 09:29 AMCongrats to you and Dean Rosemary.
Posted by: Montie at August 10, 2004 09:31 AMCongratulations and best wishes!
Scott Kirwin
Congratulations. What exciting news! I'm happy for both of you.
Posted by: Rob at August 10, 2004 09:37 AMA ton, nay - two tons of congratulations!
Posted by: Sam at August 10, 2004 09:45 AMFrom the sound of Jake's progress through his early years so far, you guys are great parents, so I couldn't be happier for you.
Ain't kids grand?
I'm the father of five, BTW, four of which were born while I was in the Navy, so I have intimate familiarity with many of the troubles you're experiencing. And you're right, happiness over your children has nothing to do with your possessions (or lack thereof).
At any rate, congrats!
Posted by: Boyd at August 10, 2004 09:51 AMCongratulations!! What blessed news!
Posted by: Athena at August 10, 2004 10:05 AMGreat job! Congrats! With a couple of smart parents like yourselves, I'm certain she/he has a bright future.
Posted by: Ralph Stefan at August 10, 2004 10:06 AMWonderful!
Posted by: Mark Adams at August 10, 2004 10:06 AMCongratulations!
Posted by: Xrlq at August 10, 2004 10:07 AMThat's fantastic, folks -- congratulations :)
Posted by: Tyler at August 10, 2004 10:11 AMWell good luck to you Mrs.esmay and you too Dean may you have many joys with this one please becarefull
Posted by: AJC at August 10, 2004 10:17 AMBig Congrats to both of you.
Dean, if you think her popping out is fun now, just wait until her navel inverts (assuming she has an innie). I still raz my Queen (May She Live Forever) about that.
Posted by: King of Fools at August 10, 2004 10:19 AMCongratulations! All my best.
Posted by: Adam at August 10, 2004 10:24 AMCongratulations!
Posted by: Tony Zbaraschuk at August 10, 2004 10:27 AMCongratulations, Rosemary and Dean! That's wonderful news.
Posted by: Cam at August 10, 2004 10:29 AMCongrats and God bless!
Posted by: The Other Mike S. at August 10, 2004 10:35 AMCongratulations! That is absolutely wonderful!! At the risk of sounding corny, and to borrow from John Lennon, Love is all you need. (The rest works itself out).
Posted by: Amanda at August 10, 2004 10:44 AMGreat googly moogly!!!
CONGRATULATIONS YOU TWO!! That's so heart-warming, and dammit I don't need any more tears! What the hell- happy ones are great!!
And frankly, I can't wait to see more pregger-hormone influenced posts from you. :)
As Tim notes, where do we send the booties?? :)
Posted by: Lachlan at August 10, 2004 10:51 AMCongratulations!
Posted by: Bryan C at August 10, 2004 10:53 AMMarvelous. Hooray! :D Another little Rosemary&Dean!!
Posted by: Jami at August 10, 2004 11:00 AMCongratulations, it's about time you guys had a great bit of news.
And letting people know that help is needed isn't begging. Let us know when the baby shower is, and set up a PayPal account for it. I for one will be happy to chip in, and I suspect that many others would too.
Posted by: double-plus-ungood at August 10, 2004 11:01 AMCongratulations!!! I just trekked over here from Cam's blog but couldn't be happier for you anyway!!! I sincerely hope that everything goes splendidly, and if you need any doula tips, just let me know!
Posted by: Jami at August 10, 2004 11:02 AMCongratulations to All...
Posted by: Catch 22 at August 10, 2004 11:11 AMWonderful news! Congratulations to you both.
Posted by: Ith at August 10, 2004 11:27 AMCongrats! We just had our first three weeks ago, today, and even with all our money and other problems, we're making ends meet, some how, through God's will.
Best!
Posted by: J. Fielek at August 10, 2004 11:28 AMCongratulations! I am so thrilled for you. I have been praying for your family since I found out that Dean and I share a struggle. What a wonderful turn of events!
Posted by: Sarah at August 10, 2004 11:42 AMHoly crap! I think I'll be making a trip to your Amazon Wishlist (if you have one?) in the next few months...
Posted by: dowingba at August 10, 2004 11:45 AMCongratulations! A baby is such a blessing and sure doesn't need all the stuff we sometimes think they do.
Posted by: Jordana at August 10, 2004 11:47 AMsorry for being off-topic here mrs.esmay but i live in michigan(go pistons :D)...and i happen to enjoy the wacky weather we get here maybe i sould try to visit you guys someday :)but after me and my family recover from our eviction :(
Posted by: AJC at August 10, 2004 12:01 PMCongratulations! Wonderful things happen at their time.
Posted by: Fausta at August 10, 2004 12:22 PMHearty congratulations, Rosemary and blessings upon the entire Esmay family!
Posted by: shep at August 10, 2004 12:29 PMRosemary,
Well, are you going to have an online Baby Shower and let us all shower you with donations? Just a tasteful notice for a specific "shower week" would be nice.
Think about it!
WildMonk
Posted by: WildMonk at August 10, 2004 12:29 PMI'm crying! What wonderful news! Luv your spirit.
Posted by: OkieMinnie at August 10, 2004 12:46 PMDamn, Dean, you tiger!!! Congratulations to you both!
Posted by: marko at August 10, 2004 12:51 PMtry to blog on the day it wants to come out please :D
Posted by: AJC at August 10, 2004 12:51 PMWait what fun would it be without some photos of our wondefull blogging in the wonderfull state of being expectant
Posted by: AJC at August 10, 2004 12:56 PMrosemary
I'm starting to feel like your cousin or aunt or something. This is just like family. I'm so happy for you!! What a blessing. May God keep your little one growing and developing until he/she's ready to POP! I WONDERED why you were sick so much lately. Your post made me tear up. I love it when people who really want a baby get one. It's too sweet. This will be a very special precious child, long prayed for and waited for. Hope it's a girl and pretty as her mother. Sigh...God Bless.
Posted by: jane m at August 10, 2004 01:01 PMSo... when's the online baby shower? :)
Posted by: B. Durbin at August 10, 2004 01:18 PMYou realize that this baby is going to be completely spoiled by the blogosphere, don't you?
Congratulations! May this be the beginning of decades worth of really wonderful days.
Hugs from Minnesota,
Keith
You guys totally rock!! Living on the edge, intelligent, working class bloggers. I couldn't be happier for you!! Congrats.
Posted by: Tim the Soldier at August 10, 2004 01:26 PMOoh, I'm so happy for you guys! Congratulations! :D :D :D
Posted by: Erica at August 10, 2004 01:33 PMYou go gurl with yo bad self!
Congrats to you and Dean. May the pregnancy go well, the delivery fast and right, and the baby healthy and as pretty as me. Which isn't that hard! ;)
Posted by: S-Train at August 10, 2004 01:42 PMCongrats. And good luck. I have been going through a rough year myself. It's nice to hear I am not the only one. And as the proud owner of a 17 year old car, remember old cars are the best :-)
Posted by: Adam at August 10, 2004 02:13 PMAll Hail the Prince/Princess of All Evil!
Oh, and greetings from everyone over at Iron Blog. We miss you. (Yes, even folkbum. ;) )
Posted by: Thief at August 10, 2004 02:20 PMFinally told everyone! Good!
You need to register at Babies R Us - they have everything and you can set up an online link!
Big, big hugs to you and Dean and Jake.
I know the new Esmay will be a great looking kid - can't help it with you as the momma, Dean as the poppa and Jake as the big brother.
Oh, I already want to pinch the baby's cheeks!!
Posted by: Beth at August 10, 2004 02:22 PMSimply outstanding news. My best to you both.
Posted by: physics geek at August 10, 2004 02:27 PMMazel Tov! Miss Julie and I are so happy for you and your whole family.
Posted by: Ara Rubyan at August 10, 2004 02:35 PMOk, can I stop holding my breath, now? Heh.
Good for you, Rose!
Dean, you're a dog. Give the poor woman a rest for a while, willya!? Heh.
Queen, congratulations to you and Dean! That's just wonderful.
Although we don't have similar specific circumstances, we absoultely share your financial pain! Our Bronco is 16, so I've got you beat by 2 years! :P
Unfortunately, our $ problems are about to come to a head pretty soon - and I'm not looking forward to that at all.
I hope that you stay well - and good wishes to you and Dean!!!
Posted by: notthisgirl at August 10, 2004 03:08 PMWhew! That's the longest I've kept a secret in a looong time.
Well, not counting all the nuke and WMD stuff, anyway.
Now I can quit watching what I type!
Woo-woo!
Posted by: John of Argghhh! at August 10, 2004 03:27 PMYou already know how happy I am for you, but let me say Congrats again! I recommend updating your Amazon Wishlist with items for the new baby. Remember that Amazon and Babies 'R Us are part of the same website...that way we can all help with the new baby.
Posted by: Alice at August 10, 2004 04:04 PMCongrats!!!!!
Awesome news!
God Bless!
Quite a show of support, Rose. Congrats.
Though I bet I could get more than 70 responses if I got pregnant.
Posted by: Big Dan at August 10, 2004 05:26 PMBig Dan, if you got pregnant I'd leave 70 comments all by myself!
Posted by: Rosemary the Queen of All Evil at August 10, 2004 05:35 PMRosemary and Dean, congratulations!!!
Posted by: Paul Burgess at August 10, 2004 06:45 PMCongrats to the three of you, Rosemary, Dean and Jake. I know this is blessed news but you will still be on pins and needles. Another blogger and his wife had gone through a lot with miscarriages too and they were suprised to find out she was pregnant.
They have taken it day by day and they are in the home stretch and are able to breathe a bit easier now. You know all our hopes and prayers are with you for a healthy pregnancy Rosemary.
Congratulations again to such a loving and wonderful family!
Posted by: Rhye at August 10, 2004 06:53 PMWhat wonderful news...Congrats to the Esmays!
Posted by: Ace at August 10, 2004 07:24 PMCongratulations! That made me cry!
Congratulations to both of you!
You ARE planning to live-blog the birth, right?...
Posted by: J. A. Eddy at August 10, 2004 08:36 PMWhat a wonderful story. Congratulations! May the blessing keep coming to you.
You have me teary eyed, (in a manly sort of way, of course).
All my best to each of you.
Posted by: Richard at August 10, 2004 08:45 PMI feel so very happy for you Rosemary, Dean and Jacob. That must have been so adorable to you when Jacob said, "What do you mean you can not find it!" That big boy taking care of his Mom!
That is adorable.
Blessings, blessings,
Posted by: Janelle at August 10, 2004 08:51 PMHOORAY!
I'm not normally a baby shower kinda guy, but for you? Of course!
Posted by: Dave in Texas at August 10, 2004 09:02 PMOh my! Congrats!!!!!! Ever'thin' seems to have already been said!
Posted by: Tiger at August 10, 2004 09:54 PMCONGRATULATIONS ROSEMARY, DEAN & JAKE!!! My prayers are with the three... errr... the FOUR of you!
Posted by: axion at August 10, 2004 10:15 PMCongrats and good luck.
Posted by: Starhawk at August 10, 2004 11:32 PMVery happy for you both, three, four...the whole family. Congrats and best wishes.
Posted by: Jane at August 11, 2004 12:34 AMso you continually miscarry, but continue to get pregnant. nice.
Posted by: billcrowbar at August 11, 2004 12:46 AMCongrats you two!
Oh, and billcrowbar, you are truly an ass.
Posted by: Plunge at August 11, 2004 01:54 AMTerrific. Absolutely top-notch news. Congratulations to the whole family!
Posted by: Dreama at August 11, 2004 02:41 AMOh man, that's incredibly cool! Particularly after the year you just had. Congratulations!
Posted by: William Jordan at August 11, 2004 02:55 AMbillcrowbar: So nice that such didn't happen to your mom with you.
Bugger off, troll.
Posted by: Juliette at August 11, 2004 03:17 AMCongratulations. Keep us posted.
Posted by: bdfaith at August 11, 2004 03:41 AMMay he or she be born with a liberal spirit and the strong desire to vote Democratic....and pro-gay. See, I couldn't resist turning this thing gay.
Posted by: Tim the Soldier at August 11, 2004 05:35 AMWow! I take a day off from blogging and look what happens!
Congratulations, you two!
Posted by: mhking at August 11, 2004 09:08 AMWhy people like you all are Conservitive Republicans boggles the mind. "Cyber begging???" Doesn't sound very GOP to me.
Posted by: Al at August 11, 2004 12:08 PMHooray for the both of you! All my best wishes!
Posted by: Emily at August 11, 2004 02:43 PMWow, Rosemary - that is so awesome. What a great post ... and what even greater news.
Sit back. Relax. Put your feet up and enjoy!
Congrats to both you, and Dean - - and Jake!
Posted by: Lisa at August 11, 2004 05:44 PMCongrats!
Posted by: Mikey at August 11, 2004 07:34 PMCongrats!
Posted by: Jeff G at August 11, 2004 10:30 PMCongrats, I'll keep you in my prayers.
Posted by: Peter at August 12, 2004 10:55 AMBTW rosemary...you couldn't keep him off of ya couldn't you hahahahaha ;)
Posted by: AJC at August 12, 2004 02:01 PMthat's wonderful, congratulations! (i'm crying)
Posted by: sarahk at August 12, 2004 07:05 PMWatch out! Captain Wiggles is angry. Your a closeted gay man for sure. Just stay away from my kids with your candy, er ah toys.
Posted by: billcrowbar at August 12, 2004 10:27 PMThis is such a heartwarming post... it makes me believe that if my husband and I discovered we were expecting again, we'd be blissful despite a small condo and rising debt.
Much luck and warm wishes to you both!
Posted by: Mariann at August 17, 2004 10:43 AM