It's not just that your boys deserve better than to see their parents act like assholes online: it's that you and Dean each deserve better *of yourselves* than to allow yourselves to act like assholes online.
I'm not one to give advise, especially as my own marriage didn't work. So I just want to say that I'm saddened by this news, and I hope all turns out for all of you.
Sometimes, people make very intelligent decisions based on the facts on the ground which they know in a very immediate individual way and which are so self-evident that appropriate action is made without having to apologize to anyone particularly on the internet or in private either before or after the decision.
Tim_the_Soldier (aka thread killer and nun thriller) (mail):
Dean, I wasn't telling you to "give me a fucking break...."
Part of me thinks this is a bravely honest admission to your readers who have become your dotcomrades over the past 5+ years. However, for the most part, we are geographically separated from you guys. Had we been part of an actual close-knit living near each other, some of us could have been there to help or at least be able to support you in your struggles.
However, if it is coming as a complete shock to most of your readers (if not all of them) it seems that you were keeping your life secret from them and only writing something shocking after the fact.
Part of me thinks that this is your way of crying for help or perhaps looking for sympathy...I'm not sure which - maybe both. What I do know is that I once believed for quite sometime that my ex-wife left me, but when I finally wised the fuck up, I realized that my actions drove her away. Although she physically left, it was really me that left. It took some time to get over, but I did.
Honestly, you will probably never save your marriage, but you can still salvage a dynamic important relationship with your sons, and maybe keep a friend in Rosemary (after a certain amount of time passes).
Mark Adams, who's always correct, get used to it. (mail) (www):
Tim.....ditto.
I don't really even want to comment on this because these things are of such a personal, private nature -- but I have to say it. And Rose, I'm sure you know the last thing I would intend is to add fuel to the fire or say anything that adds to the pain. This isn't about you two, that's your business. This is about airing dirty laundry in public.
Rose, your response was dignified and responsible. I don't know what he was trying to do. If I could post things there, or was even so inclined to regain such a "privilege," this would have been directed where it belongs, and not here.
I just can't believe Dean decided to put this out there on the web. I've been involved in over 500 divorce cases and I've never seen one go so public so fast between people who weren't already public figures -- and even the public figures kept this kind of thing between themselves -- not commenting to the media.
Was this "newsworthy" information, Dean? Something "blogable?" There's such a thing as discretion, and dignity, and respecting the lives of others who you bring along with you.
My god, and I'm sorry Rose if you don't want me to even go there, but Dean's racked up some 4 dozen odd cyber sympathy cards in his self-generated pity party. Instead of looking at a mirror, or getting himself to a lawyer or rehab (not necessarily in that order) he sends out that pathetic cry for commiseration.
There is no excuse for him putting your private business into the public arena, none. If ever a thread should be deleted it's the one at DW which necessitated this one. They both should be erased (along with my rant.)
The breakup of a family is one of the most devastating events a person can go through, and it's as much Dean's private business as it is Rose's -- not to mention the young innocent bystanders. For Dean to drag their marital situation on to the stage, airing her personal saga in such a public forum is beyond understanding, except to say his lack of respect for Rose's privacy is reprehensible.
This was nobody's fucking business except the people they chose to confide in.
Rose, I'm truly sorry this went down this way, and you are so much better off away from that asshole. I'm so sorry that this will probably not be the last time he does this. I suggest you secure a gag order against him as soon as feasible.
Being on the internet, I think that this is something that the kids are probably going to see at some point. So I'd keep that in mind.
On the other hand, this kind of thing hurts like a sunnuvabitch, and a bit of looking for help and letting people know that you're in a bit of pain is par for the course. Thank god the internet wasn't so popular when my relationship ended, I was absolutely pitiful, and I'm grateful that there are no archives that people can read.
Ugh. They'd still be calling me Mr. Whiny McCrybaby.
arg. 2 weeks ago I broke up, irrevocably (we'd broken up many times before, but they turned out to be tiffs) with my gf of 4 1/2 years and I'm very attached to her child, with whom I spent a lot of time with, and who reportedly misses me a lot to and doesn't understand why I don't come around anymore.
I'm still kind of mad at her and a break would be no problem, but I miss that child an awful lot and feel really guilty and crappy that the child thinks I deserted them for no reason and don't care about the, when I care very much and think of them all the time.
Dude, Tim, lay off man! We all know you've got multiple failures in the marriage department, but sometimes that little (HUG) (or any way you type it) does actually mean something and help. Besides, sometimes that's all you can offer besides a shoulder to bitch or cry on.
Rose's business is Rose's business. I'm sorry to see it online. I guessed properly from the post. I'm sorry I guessed correctly, but I'm more sorry you're going through it. Hopefully you can get to be like my folks - divorced, best friends, will always be there for the other when needed. That the boys know you love them is all that's important. As a child from divorce, never underestimate they may blame themselves (even when they KNOW it's not their fault), seeing ya'll be able to act like adults who care for one another will be the greatest salve.
Having been a soldier, a long time ago, my response about this news is the one you both got from Tim the Soldier.
Anyway, you both have kids who have to be raised. So whatever else happens, the situation won't allow you to be total strangers to each other.
Aside from that, I don't regard separation or divorce as an ultimate tragedy. Stefi is my seoond wife; I'm her first husband. Which means I work extra hard not to estrange her.
Aside from that, partnerships come and go. Both people in a marital or household partnership have to work to keep such relationships afloat, not leastways because of the pressure-cooker atmosphere of modern life.
Anyway, the both of you have created a new reality uniquely your own, and I am sure each of you will deal with it in accordance with the realities of your own particular lives.
But whatever you do, remember that those kids come ahead of all else until they're old enough to face life on their own.
I'm not sure what I have written here will ease the pain and discomfort you both must be feeling, along with most of your long-time commenters. But I hope it works out for both of you and especially for your children.
Rosemary,
Sorry this comment section has turned so raunchy with everyone doing their own things. I'm sorry it has come to this. None of us are walking in your shoes. I will tell you the same as I told Dean, the children are your first priority, let them know you will always love them and respect each other. I had noticed each of you had an intriguing post a while back and I had figured there were really big problems.
Anyway, good luck to you all,
Ruth H
Tim_the_Soldier (aka thread killer and nun thriller) (mail):
Well, there's always room for jello - especially some underwear (if I actually wore underwear) jello. I'd avoid the chocolate pudding jello because it could be mistaken for the dreaded "mud butt."
WTF Tim? Who the hell turned you Army folks loose on makin' up new words? However, your's does have vowels so we'll allow it. ;)
No Sarge, if I needed a HUG, I have my own Tech to get one from, thanks though. Besides, you could probably pop my back and break me in two at the same time.
As for what happens to Mark when you cuss ... Don't Ask, Don't Tell. :)
That's kinda the point. This situation should not have gotten out. So The Queen's court is doing what they do best: changing the subject. If I had admin rights on both sites, I'd nuke both threads. But I don't, so I can't.
Why are so many people trying to tear the two of you apart? Because that's what they feel is best for you or because they feel that this is really over and are just trying to comfort you, making you "realize" how terrible it is for Dean, Rosemary and the kids to be together, and how much better it will when Rose, Dean and the kids are not together.
I surmise-to be charitable- that this confidence is attributable to lack of experience with these issues.
Now that doesn't apply to Mark, of course, because
he has tons of experience with families tearing
apart. But for Mark we need no reason for his confidence other than that he is always "correct".
I appreciate what you are saying but you know very little of our family situation. At best, you know Dean's perspective and that is only part of the story. Mark knows mine. He's been there for me, as a friend not a lawyer. So, he's angry on my behalf because he knows that Dean broke his word to me, again, by going public with this very private and very painful situation.
Also, I think we are both still miffed by your insinuation on Dean's thread that anything can be fixed/overlooked except if I were unfaithful. I wasn't but the sexist double standard was a bit thick to swallow.
I never insinuated that anything can be fixed. I did state, however, that there is an Halachic (legal) difference with reference to gender (legal) regarding the consequences of certain sins on the continuance of the union. I am unhappy that the statement angered you. That was not my intention. And I am not surprised that you could not swallow it.
Dean will never be able to leave MI, because of his role as Dad.
Any Man who will marry you will have to be into the whole idea of being a Man\Role model financial
provider for two boys with whom he has no history and no inherent link in body and Soul. There are such men around, but as you know they are rare.
The kids will be fine either way if they are raised right, kids have a funny way of adapting to life. But the odds of them so being are certainly good if You an Dean were together in
a healthy relationship. While the odds are somewhat unknown if you guys make this jump for real.I"m not going to argue that point.
I don't know anything about what is particular to you about your situation, but I do know quite a bit about the situation.
I do firmly believe that you and your husband are
singularly good, G-d fearing people, and that type of people is not all that common. A shame to disunify if the realtionship can be healed.
Any Man who will marry you will have to be into the whole idea of being a Man\Role model financial
provider for two boys with whom he has no history and no inherent link in body and Soul. There are such men around, but as you know they are rare.
Um, who says she'd marry another man? Who says she'd get married AT ALL?? She is a strong enough woman to go it alone.
Neither my wife nor myself are "strong" enough to ensure as good an upbringing for our children apart from one another as we can together. Each of us, though, are "strong" enough to continue moving upward no matter what G-d and our choices bring upon us.
I give Rose and Dean no more and no less credit.
I could be mistaken, of course.
It may well be that the right thing to do in this case is to separate. Indeed, they already have. But it might well be that the right thing for both of them is to make necessary changes to heal this thing and move forward together. They alone will decide that question, ultimately, if they have not already.
Neither my wife nor myself are "strong" enough to ensure as good an upbringing for our children apart from one another as we can together. Each of us, though, are "strong" enough to continue moving upward no matter what G-d and our choices bring upon us.
I give Rose and Dean no more and no less credit.
I could be mistaken, of course.
It may well be that the right thing to do in this case is to separate. Indeed, they already have. But it might well be that the right thing for both of them is to make necessary changes to heal this thing and move forward together. They alone will decide that question, ultimately, if they have not already.
Don't be sorry, Naftali. It's okay to admit that you aren't strong enough to handle things on your own. Some people aren't. Some people are. Luckily for Jacob and Draco, their mother is very strong.
And pray tell when will that ever be a substitute for a male parent alias biological father ?
I think you are missing the point, McK. My brother is addressing the assumption that I'll never find a new man who would be willing to accept my children. That isn't an issue. Dean is their father and will always be their father no matter what happens between us personally. I'm not looking to replace him and that is what my brother means by my being strong.
We are of the Catholic faith. I am Jacob's Godfather, and my brother Adam is Draco's Godfather. So in the absence of Dean, we will step in as needed. That's what Godfathers do.
I'll leave it at that.
Now is the time to move forward and not dwell on past mistakes. I, as Jake's Godfather and Dean's sponsor, will do what I can to help them re-establish their bond.
Hehehe, it's the thread that Tim can't kill. Must be that missing Nun on his birthday - did you get that sorted ++? ;)
Seriously, if anyone is strong it's Rose. However, I'd still rather this subject never have reached the blogosphere, let alone by one of the participants in it. It should have stayed private.
Mark Adams, who's always correct, get used to it. (mail) (www):
It's a massive shock to me. Suffice to say, unless you've been there, you don't know what the F you're talking about.
McK clearly doesn't have the breath of experience to speak cogently on this issue, because not only will my stepson be shocked over this revelation, so will my niece who knows me, and only me as "Dad."
And I'm a man who grew up being raised by a single mom -- knowing for a fact that "Dad" can be more than overrated.
Well it seems you just did as in ---my stepchildren.
That would be in discussion here to indicate that they are my stepchildren.
I'm sorry it's so confusing for you. Maybe I should have said "children in my family that I am not biologically related to but to whom I relate to as a father". I thought that using a shorthand expression that has been in common usage for several hundred years might make it easier, but I have to admit that I didn't entertain the possibility that someone would take that to mean that I prefix their names with "step-".
Yes, I have children. I am the biologic father of one and the adoptive father of another. The adopted child is stated officially on the passport as abandoned at birth and left near a postal office in an asian country to which I and my spouse traveled to obtain said child.
Yes, I do have children. I am the biologic father of one and the adoptive father of another. The adopted child is stated officially on the passport as abandoned at birth and left near a postal office in an asian country to which I and my spouse traveled to obtain said child.
Because you are claiming to be a step/parent whatever than might mean, and as far as I can tell your sole contribution is that of having married the mother, so they call you dad, even though you aren't the individual that is the real Dad.
Having adopted the children as a personal decision, it would seem you could claim a greater legitimacy as parent/step/father. It suggests you never made that committment.
This coincides with my initial claim:
"Only one person on the planet can be called Dad or Pa or father.
All the other god-fathers or god-brothers and god-uncle fathers don't count."
And children know that intuitively in most instances i.e. when Daddy's gone.
Or as a very sardonic gentleman one generation above me once told me many, many years ago,
"You always know who your mother is, you're father, you just can't be quite so sure. "
That wasn't an issue in my own family, as the parents were always around and never was a child exposed to the scenario of one parent becoming an occasional week-end visitor particularly either against his will or that of his children
who of course were never consulted in the decision.
Because you are claiming to be a step/parent whatever than might mean, and as far as I can tell your sole contribution is that of having married the mother, so they call you dad, even though you aren't the individual that is the real Dad.
You don't know jack. Yet that doesn't seem to stop you from pontification about my family, does it?
What is it about the internet that makes people think they're an expert on other people's personal lives? Or is that just conservatives in general? Either way, it's a pretty repulsive attitude.
Carry on. I think that I can feel free to ignore your alleged opinions from here on in.
Sometimes, people make very intelligent decisions based on the facts on the ground which they know in a very immediate individual way and which are so self-evident that appropriate action is made without having to apologize to anyone particularly on the internet or in private either before or after the decision.
McK I suggest you accept you're beaten. You're beyond unarmed in the no father sweepstakes! I've had 2 stepdads and my father, plus 2 grandfathers and several uncles. You know the old 'conservative' saying of it "Takes a village"?? You really should pull your head out of your ass and pay attention to those of us who have lived it and stop riding Rose like she's some tobaggon to hell! She did what was best for her kids, I won't fault any mother for doing what they think best for their children.
If you were a real man, a real father, you'd know your number one priority is the safety, security and wellbeing of your children. At times, that means divorce is the best option left. Until you walk some miles in the Queen's slippers, or those of us of divorced families, shut the hell up you judgmental, pontificating fool.
I suspect, ++, my greatest crime is being pro-father in situations such as presented here.
I think that patting yourself on the back too hard has caused concussion. "Pro-father"? I have four kids, and you're going to suggest that my objection to your rudeness is because you're pro-father?
I wish you all comfort in this difficult time.
Here's hoping that you guys all get through this with a minimum of the inevitable pain and strife.
**Hugs**
Yes, like that's going to make things all better. Give me a fucking break!!
Fuck me.
Part of me thinks this is a bravely honest admission to your readers who have become your dotcomrades over the past 5+ years. However, for the most part, we are geographically separated from you guys. Had we been part of an actual close-knit living near each other, some of us could have been there to help or at least be able to support you in your struggles.
However, if it is coming as a complete shock to most of your readers (if not all of them) it seems that you were keeping your life secret from them and only writing something shocking after the fact.
Part of me thinks that this is your way of crying for help or perhaps looking for sympathy...I'm not sure which - maybe both. What I do know is that I once believed for quite sometime that my ex-wife left me, but when I finally wised the fuck up, I realized that my actions drove her away. Although she physically left, it was really me that left. It took some time to get over, but I did.
Honestly, you will probably never save your marriage, but you can still salvage a dynamic important relationship with your sons, and maybe keep a friend in Rosemary (after a certain amount of time passes).
I don't really even want to comment on this because these things are of such a personal, private nature -- but I have to say it. And Rose, I'm sure you know the last thing I would intend is to add fuel to the fire or say anything that adds to the pain. This isn't about you two, that's your business. This is about airing dirty laundry in public.
Rose, your response was dignified and responsible. I don't know what he was trying to do. If I could post things there, or was even so inclined to regain such a "privilege," this would have been directed where it belongs, and not here.
I just can't believe Dean decided to put this out there on the web. I've been involved in over 500 divorce cases and I've never seen one go so public so fast between people who weren't already public figures -- and even the public figures kept this kind of thing between themselves -- not commenting to the media.
Was this "newsworthy" information, Dean? Something "blogable?" There's such a thing as discretion, and dignity, and respecting the lives of others who you bring along with you.
My god, and I'm sorry Rose if you don't want me to even go there, but Dean's racked up some 4 dozen odd cyber sympathy cards in his self-generated pity party. Instead of looking at a mirror, or getting himself to a lawyer or rehab (not necessarily in that order) he sends out that pathetic cry for commiseration.
There is no excuse for him putting your private business into the public arena, none. If ever a thread should be deleted it's the one at DW which necessitated this one. They both should be erased (along with my rant.)
The breakup of a family is one of the most devastating events a person can go through, and it's as much Dean's private business as it is Rose's -- not to mention the young innocent bystanders. For Dean to drag their marital situation on to the stage, airing her personal saga in such a public forum is beyond understanding, except to say his lack of respect for Rose's privacy is reprehensible.
This was nobody's fucking business except the people they chose to confide in.
Rose, I'm truly sorry this went down this way, and you are so much better off away from that asshole. I'm so sorry that this will probably not be the last time he does this. I suggest you secure a gag order against him as soon as feasible.
On the other hand, this kind of thing hurts like a sunnuvabitch, and a bit of looking for help and letting people know that you're in a bit of pain is par for the course. Thank god the internet wasn't so popular when my relationship ended, I was absolutely pitiful, and I'm grateful that there are no archives that people can read.
Ugh. They'd still be calling me Mr. Whiny McCrybaby.
I'm still kind of mad at her and a break would be no problem, but I miss that child an awful lot and feel really guilty and crappy that the child thinks I deserted them for no reason and don't care about the, when I care very much and think of them all the time.
Heartache sucks. :/
At least you didn't ask for or offer a fucking hug!!!
Rose's business is Rose's business. I'm sorry to see it online. I guessed properly from the post. I'm sorry I guessed correctly, but I'm more sorry you're going through it. Hopefully you can get to be like my folks - divorced, best friends, will always be there for the other when needed. That the boys know you love them is all that's important. As a child from divorce, never underestimate they may blame themselves (even when they KNOW it's not their fault), seeing ya'll be able to act like adults who care for one another will be the greatest salve.
Anyway, you both have kids who have to be raised. So whatever else happens, the situation won't allow you to be total strangers to each other.
Aside from that, I don't regard separation or divorce as an ultimate tragedy. Stefi is my seoond wife; I'm her first husband. Which means I work extra hard not to estrange her.
Aside from that, partnerships come and go. Both people in a marital or household partnership have to work to keep such relationships afloat, not leastways because of the pressure-cooker atmosphere of modern life.
Anyway, the both of you have created a new reality uniquely your own, and I am sure each of you will deal with it in accordance with the realities of your own particular lives.
But whatever you do, remember that those kids come ahead of all else until they're old enough to face life on their own.
I'm not sure what I have written here will ease the pain and discomfort you both must be feeling, along with most of your long-time commenters. But I hope it works out for both of you and especially for your children.
Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI
Sorry this comment section has turned so raunchy with everyone doing their own things. I'm sorry it has come to this. None of us are walking in your shoes. I will tell you the same as I told Dean, the children are your first priority, let them know you will always love them and respect each other. I had noticed each of you had an intriguing post a while back and I had figured there were really big problems.
Anyway, good luck to you all,
Ruth H
Did I miss anything?
No Sarge, if I needed a HUG, I have my own Tech to get one from, thanks though. Besides, you could probably pop my back and break me in two at the same time.
As for what happens to Mark when you cuss ... Don't Ask, Don't Tell. :)
That's kinda the point. This situation should not have gotten out. So The Queen's court is doing what they do best: changing the subject. If I had admin rights on both sites, I'd nuke both threads. But I don't, so I can't.
Jerry
We do not. By the way, has anyone seen this video of the Iraqi Army being trained?
I surmise-to be charitable- that this confidence is attributable to lack of experience with these issues.
Now that doesn't apply to Mark, of course, because
he has tons of experience with families tearing
apart. But for Mark we need no reason for his confidence other than that he is always "correct".
I assert that you misread my intention, just as you assert what my intention was. Agree to disagree.
My intention was to communicate with Dean and Rose.
I do hope that people higher than you look back on what I did, and say it was a nice one.
I appreciate what you are saying but you know very little of our family situation. At best, you know Dean's perspective and that is only part of the story. Mark knows mine. He's been there for me, as a friend not a lawyer. So, he's angry on my behalf because he knows that Dean broke his word to me, again, by going public with this very private and very painful situation.
Also, I think we are both still miffed by your insinuation on Dean's thread that anything can be fixed/overlooked except if I were unfaithful. I wasn't but the sexist double standard was a bit thick to swallow.
Hello Rosemary,
I never insinuated that anything can be fixed. I did state, however, that there is an Halachic (legal) difference with reference to gender (legal) regarding the consequences of certain sins on the continuance of the union. I am unhappy that the statement angered you. That was not my intention. And I am not surprised that you could not swallow it.
Dean will never be able to leave MI, because of his role as Dad.
Any Man who will marry you will have to be into the whole idea of being a Man\Role model financial
provider for two boys with whom he has no history and no inherent link in body and Soul. There are such men around, but as you know they are rare.
The kids will be fine either way if they are raised right, kids have a funny way of adapting to life. But the odds of them so being are certainly good if You an Dean were together in
a healthy relationship. While the odds are somewhat unknown if you guys make this jump for real.I"m not going to argue that point.
I don't know anything about what is particular to you about your situation, but I do know quite a bit about the situation.
I do firmly believe that you and your husband are
singularly good, G-d fearing people, and that type of people is not all that common. A shame to disunify if the realtionship can be healed.
Naftali
I do not hope you respond to my comment. i hope rather that you will take it into consideration.
G-d bless the both of you and your children.
On a lighter note, naftali, you are more out of place than a skinhead at the "Million Man March."
Um, who says she'd marry another man? Who says she'd get married AT ALL?? She is a strong enough woman to go it alone.
Neither my wife nor myself are "strong" enough to ensure as good an upbringing for our children apart from one another as we can together. Each of us, though, are "strong" enough to continue moving upward no matter what G-d and our choices bring upon us.
I give Rose and Dean no more and no less credit.
I could be mistaken, of course.
It may well be that the right thing to do in this case is to separate. Indeed, they already have. But it might well be that the right thing for both of them is to make necessary changes to heal this thing and move forward together. They alone will decide that question, ultimately, if they have not already.
Don't be sorry, Naftali. It's okay to admit that you aren't strong enough to handle things on your own. Some people aren't. Some people are. Luckily for Jacob and Draco, their mother is very strong.
Yours, with love,
Wince
And pray tell when will that ever be a substitute for a male parent alias biological father ?
I think you are missing the point, McK. My brother is addressing the assumption that I'll never find a new man who would be willing to accept my children. That isn't an issue. Dean is their father and will always be their father no matter what happens between us personally. I'm not looking to replace him and that is what my brother means by my being strong.
We are of the Catholic faith. I am Jacob's Godfather, and my brother Adam is Draco's Godfather. So in the absence of Dean, we will step in as needed. That's what Godfathers do.
I'll leave it at that.
Now is the time to move forward and not dwell on past mistakes. I, as Jake's Godfather and Dean's sponsor, will do what I can to help them re-establish their bond.
Seriously, if anyone is strong it's Rose. However, I'd still rather this subject never have reached the blogosphere, let alone by one of the participants in it. It should have stayed private.
All the other god-fathers or god-brothers and god-uncle fathers don't count.
Children learn that early on in most cases and are aware that ---in the absence of Dad, x does not replace the ir-replaceable.
end of message.
This will be an enormous shock to my stepchildren.
Do you refer to them as step- ?
What a lousy term.
McK clearly doesn't have the breath of experience to speak cogently on this issue, because not only will my stepson be shocked over this revelation, so will my niece who knows me, and only me as "Dad."
And I'm a man who grew up being raised by a single mom -- knowing for a fact that "Dad" can be more than overrated.
Right, just turn on the television.
No, why would I?
Well it seems you just did as in ---my stepchildren.
Does that help ?
That would be in discussion here to indicate that they are my stepchildren.
I'm sorry it's so confusing for you. Maybe I should have said "children in my family that I am not biologically related to but to whom I relate to as a father". I thought that using a shorthand expression that has been in common usage for several hundred years might make it easier, but I have to admit that I didn't entertain the possibility that someone would take that to mean that I prefix their names with "step-".
Silly me.
No, why?
Yes, I have children. I am the biologic father of one and the adoptive father of another. The adopted child is stated officially on the passport as abandoned at birth and left near a postal office in an asian country to which I and my spouse traveled to obtain said child.
Yes, I do have children. I am the biologic father of one and the adoptive father of another. The adopted child is stated officially on the passport as abandoned at birth and left near a postal office in an asian country to which I and my spouse traveled to obtain said child.
Because there was no need to, neither legally nor emotionally. We have fairly good family law in Canada.
Having adopted the children as a personal decision, it would seem you could claim a greater legitimacy as parent/step/father. It suggests you never made that committment.
This coincides with my initial claim:
"Only one person on the planet can be called Dad or Pa or father.
All the other god-fathers or god-brothers and god-uncle fathers don't count."
And children know that intuitively in most instances i.e. when Daddy's gone.
Or as a very sardonic gentleman one generation above me once told me many, many years ago,
"You always know who your mother is, you're father, you just can't be quite so sure. "
That wasn't an issue in my own family, as the parents were always around and never was a child exposed to the scenario of one parent becoming an occasional week-end visitor particularly either against his will or that of his children
who of course were never consulted in the decision.
You don't know jack. Yet that doesn't seem to stop you from pontification about my family, does it?
What is it about the internet that makes people think they're an expert on other people's personal lives? Or is that just conservatives in general? Either way, it's a pretty repulsive attitude.
Carry on. I think that I can feel free to ignore your alleged opinions from here on in.
Perhaps, you mis-understand.
I have no understanding regarding your family. No, I'm not an expert on anything. I made some statements, you challenged, I replied.
Apparently, though, I did strike someone's comfort zone which for some is a place where re-thinking and change might actually take place.
I've made but two points on this thread.
One:
Sometimes, people make very intelligent decisions based on the facts on the ground which they know in a very immediate individual way and which are so self-evident that appropriate action is made without having to apologize to anyone particularly on the internet or in private either before or after the decision.
And
Two:
Only one person on the planet can be called Dad or Pa or father.
All the other god-fathers or god-brothers and god-uncle fathers don't count.
Children learn early on in most cases and are aware that ---in the absence of Dad, x does not replace the ir-replaceable.
If that is being conservative and repulsive , then, I am guilty.
I suspect, ++, my greatest crime is being pro-father in situations such as presented here.
If you were a real man, a real father, you'd know your number one priority is the safety, security and wellbeing of your children. At times, that means divorce is the best option left. Until you walk some miles in the Queen's slippers, or those of us of divorced families, shut the hell up you judgmental, pontificating fool.
I think that patting yourself on the back too hard has caused concussion. "Pro-father"? I have four kids, and you're going to suggest that my objection to your rudeness is because you're pro-father?
What a loon.