by Jerry
In the comments to my "I Guess I'm Just Different" post, Shep responded with this:
Like most things in life, God's got nothing to do with it.
He wrote that in response to my statement about both parties being willing.
I couldn't disagree more. So much so, I created a new entry.
In any given domestic union, one party or the other is willing to give it another chance. It usually boils down to the most guilty of the two parties wants to make amends for what they had done. It's up to the victim (sorry, couldn't think of a better word) to decide if they want to give it another go.
If you talk to a shrink, then its divorce court here we come. If you talk to a clergy, he may open your eyes to the bigger problem.
Communication
Communication is the key. If you can't talk to your spouse, you do something to get their attention. Extra-Marital affairs, Cyber-Affairs, Domestic Violence, Porn. These are a few tools cowards use to express their displeasure. Most of its non-verbal, all of it is repulsive. If you can't learn from your mistakes or the mistakes of others, a divorce isn't going to solve the problem. It's just going to remove one person from the equation, until the day you find another person to fill that void and the problem starts all over again.
The only way you can truly make a life changing decision like this is if you talk directly to God. You might be surprised and find out that your course of action is indeed correct.
I firmly believe my sister and I, while on different paths, are both going in the right direction. Who knows. Maybe one day, my path will change and I'll follow her. But for now, I know I am doing what is right. I know this in my heart because God told me so.
God Matters, at least to me.
R.I.P. Steven Malcolm Anderson
Minion
of the Week
Relationships can survive many things but they can't survive without talking, really talking and listening. And I mean any relationship that you value... friendships, as well as, romantic relationships.
And you think God would involve Herself in that sort of human crap? You flatter yourself, Jerry.
The easiest thing to do is give up and walk away. Getting to the root of the problem and fixing it, I believe is the way to go.
Once it's properly fixed, it will last a lifetime. If it's not properly fixed, it'll break again. At that point cut your losses and move on. (ex: Rose/Dean)
Maybe I am flattering myself?
My faith tells me otherwise.
But you are entitled to your own opinion.
What makes you think I don't pray? Just because I don't think God does marriage counseling?
We are all God's children, so yes I believe he/she would be involved in our "human crap". Just as I am involved in the life of my child. The fact that you use the term "human crap" tells me that you aren't that familiar with the God I know. I know my God thru prayer. Which is why I say you should try it sometime.
I meant no offense.
Well, if God really has infinite processing power, as my theology describes, or enough processing power to stimulate reality, as ++ungood's theory describes, then it really wouldn't be too hard for Him to do so, right?
Much, much, much (repeat as needed) much easier than creating the universe or booting the simulation.
OTOH, an old Sun box takes forever to build GCC.
Yours,
Wince
There simply is no rational evidence that and actual divine being/God exists. The only God(s) that exists are the thousands we have created. The Catholic God is different from the Baptist God which is different from the Hebrew God, which is different than the Muslim God.
"God told you so.."
That's just crazy batshit talk.
Yes, and Tim is the expert on batshit crazy...
That's the only time I get pissed off is when something goes wonky in my life and I get told to pray about it. Or that God isn't in my life. I have my own thing, don't judge my process.
Otherwise, I don't think it's bat shit crazy at all. I think it's kind of great. As long as it's working for ya.
You know what works best for me? Prayer and my divorce lawyer. ;-)
I prayed that she would be kick ass and that worked.
It's called FAITH dude. There is only one God. People just view him/her in different ways.
Congrats. You've surpassed Dean on my stupid fucking idiot list. Not quite to Naftali level, but close..
None taken. I never mind when people assume that I'm more rational than I may be.
Well, sure. The point is, if She is infinitely wise, why would She?
But my business cards always say Attorney AND COUNSELOR at Law. I ended up doing a huge amount of hand-holding and advice giving that was never specifically legal, and that I never could charge for. And believe it or not, about once a year I'd have a couple get back together, the whole process having been a learning experience for both of them to be better spouses in the future. The practice made me a much better spouse, recognizing so many of the pitfalls people get into.
And of course, there were the folks who'd be back in my office months later, starting legal proceedings all over again. One couple I divorced three times, but that was the exception to the rule. Often I was just the stack of chips pushed forward to call a bluff -- and it would work.
Jerry, if you're going to save the relationship, the lines of communication have to be open, the patterns you two are in need to be broken, you can't look for offense at what she says -- even when meant to hurt -- because there is also some meaning, some hidden truth in what she's saying even if it cuts you to the quick.
A good counselor, clergy or otherwise, will get both of you to do more expression without the backhanded slap that distracts from the message. You can/must do this yourself, but it will get exceedingly frustrating if not impossible to maintain you objectivity and listen without taking it personally if you're the only one trying. That's why it DOES take two.
And if your Priest hasn't referred you to the definition of Love, he's not doing his job. See: 1 Corinthians 13. BOTH of you have to live those words.
And if you are, but she isn't -- Jerry my friend, you deserve better.
And your opinion matters why?
You call me an idiot, but yet you believe in the tooth fairy.
OTOH, they believe that this guy is infallible. Go figure.
Only when speaking ex-cathedra.
And the God that "talks" to Jerry is the same God that wants us to refrain from touching ourselves? Just checking.
Wow. Just wow.